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A long time ago, someone once told me i was immature, so I changed.
Someone else told me I was too self-centered, so I changed, sparing more thoughts for others.
Despite the changes I made, why can't I still find happiness?
Am I that pathetic?
Lost in destination till date.
When will my light ever come to blight?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
All hopes, gone in a sentence.
Going down, even when i know the result is either a yes or no.
Mentally unprepared, i am.
Your decision, i understand.
It was all just nothing but a mistake.
Will the shattered ever heal itself again.
Eradicating all thoughts off my mind.
Clearing my emotions away from inside.
Seeking what is known to be a peaceful sight.
Hoping tomorrow would still be bright.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Module selection ends tomorrow, and i have no bloody idea how can i choose my fifth module for repeated module selection. Lousy module selection website.
School sucks. At least for RP. Good facilities, bad teaching system. Or should i say not even teaching. Self-taught to be more precise. So since questions are only given and knowledge is self-taught, why not let those independent students who know what to do to offer them a choice and study for themselves at home? I rather daily-grades to be banished and offer UTs 100% grading system like what other poly does.
Don't wish to care, don't wish to get involved, don't wish to think. There's nothing to anyway.
Clear, hear the sound of the drifting wind.
Feel, heal the broken thoughts within.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Nothing works.
Done what i could, and should.
Ask to go where, yet this cant, that cant. Tell me, what am i supposed to go then.
What is appropriate?
Who defines appropriate?
With a mentality to cater specifically for appropriation, of course, its logical.
But who cares about appropriation when someone had gave his best asking to date you out.
When hopes rises, and fades, confidence and happiness too fades.
Maybe this would be the last time I would articulate on events like this. Cause it may not actually be worth it.
Friday, November 21, 2008
3am once again.
Feeling useless, im lousy. lousy at particular things.
I can help to counsel others, share their thoughts, suggest ways to help them, but i cant counsel myself.
I know how to communicate with others via virtual-world, but don't know how to communicate with others via real-world.
I can tell you why this is wrong, that is wrong, but i cannot tell you how wrong i am.
I can talk normally with friends, yet i cant do the same for special people.
People tried, and they gained something, I tried, yet i lost something.
Useless, damn useless.
Envious of people who can do things the way they want it to, while its the opposite for me.
Perhaps its a 1 sided affection,
Perhaps it may just be a wishful thinking,
Perhaps its just a dream.
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又会有谁能了解我心中的烦闷与失望呢？
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Starting my new work-to-be at 11am tomorrow, yet still unable to sleep, again. Wondered how tomorrow would be like.
Today was nothing much to be happy about, nor anything to be sad about. except for my new specs, which i feel looks nice.
ok.. was pretty sad about something. tried all means to get to her, yet she always has something on(not just once or twice) , things don't work the way i wished for. beginning to feel hopeless.
oh well.
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你晓不晓得呢。
Monday, November 17, 2008
This time, its 4am.
Cant seem to sleep recently, doing nothing, thinking of nothing, blank, just blank.
Had a sudden temptation for serial dramas, again.
Something is lacking in my life, what is it.
Is my destination still lost? simply as sophisticated as it seems.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
3am, and i couldn't get to sleep. no particular reason.
went to spec-pairing today, and finally after 41235249 minutes since my specs broke.
went for a job interview at kuishinbo-buffet restaurant, great world city. first time there, perhaps not the last.
planning to get a bike, though sad with the 2b license i have to carry around for 1 year, and the risks of encountering a traffic accident that is prominent in singapore, still happy with the thought of travelling via my own bike. afterall i might be wise enough to avoid any accident hopefully.(prayin in progress..)
shall give my best to playing more games before wednesday, where my jobs starts..
kenny's bday bbq party was enjoyable. had fun playing bball and eating food. (esp the satay, otah and sausage) hoho. hope everyone was enjoying themselves as much as i do.
Went tennis with ben at RP in the aft saturday. got pawned pretty badly, but don't worry ! the next time we play, i'll definitely pawn u back flat! (Swap ur tennis racket with me pls ^^)
so since i can't sleep, i shall continue my night-star gazing, though there aren't much stars around my area.
Friday, November 14, 2008
i came across a child with her father and mother while on the back home. Just 4-5 years old.
She takes up 2 seats in the mrt, while her dad n mum takes 1 each. very cute, and brings joy to the ones watching her twisting and turning and playing with her father's hair. Where no restrictions of actions or ethics she has to follow, unlike teenagers or adults have to do, for this is a privillege a young life has, before climbing up the stairs to adulthood, carrying bags of stress, anxiety, responsibility, one bag at a time, towards reality.
Then I wonder, did we really enjoyed our childhood? For me i didn't, maybe the rest didn't too. And those who did not enjoy their childhood days, who became more involved with past negative experiences, turned pessimistic towards the harsh reality? In which they become more resentful, more prone to remembering revenges to be exacted on the experience those people gave them? Is what happened during childhood days be one of the main source of life-changing stages that turned once a kind, pure hearted child into such a person? Of course, we see alot of these happenings in televisions.
Since a pure-hearted child can turn into a bad-hearted child, how about changing back from a once bad-hearted child to a pure-hearted teenager? not to mention the harsh reality that teenagers and adults have to face. Do we have any solution to it?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Oh dearest whomever god/spirit/fairy/angel/devil. Please. Please. Not make my worst nightmare come true. I would rather me be wrong in assumption. Please. Make my assumption become false. Pls.
Monday, November 3, 2008
so near, yet so far. I wondered.
What do i shall could can will must maybe think deny avoid do.
Perhaps I have lost my sense of communicating with people too. - or was it she declined to talk much
I am pathetic, for I can't make people laugh like in the past now. - or was it she have nothing much towards me
I am hopeless. for I cant seem to make my way out of this. - or was it simply because there wasn't even a way to begin with.
I am envious, for there are people much fortunate than me who knows how to handle relationships better than me. - or was it because there wasn't even a relationship to begin with
I am sad, for this I condemned myself. - or was it she condemned me.
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I didn't know what to talk to her, or any topics that could make her jump into conversation that wouldn't end fast. All I could say is few simple lines. so did she. Was i being one-sided all along? I wish someone could enlighten me.. if so, i think i could give up easier.
I didn't know what she is thinking, for she don't talk much to people, unless people approached her to ask about things. Other than that she just sits there and chats with people in msn. Was the past relationship the problem? or family arguments? or friendship problems? psychologically??..
she seemed so near to me, but deep inside me, she seemed so far from me for my hands to reach out to. would she ever give me a chance to?
How i wished this is all just nothing but a dream, because it feels like i'll never change it to the way i wanted it to be.
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哪怕是一点的暗示，或一点表示，我都能够理解你对我的感受。