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Here i am once again, writing again.
Basically did nothing over the weeks, school didn't interest me even though its a new term. Somehow i felt things were amiss.
What am I feeling? The same feeling everytime, everyday.
I used to think that I am always strong, stronger than anyone,
clever, clever than everyone,
was i?
maybe not.
But it feels good to think that you're stronger and clever than everyone, isnt it?
perhaps.
still the strongest falls, falling every second to darkness as time past.
time does age people isnt it, how happy would i be if theres no such thing called time and aging.
Looking back again at my life, i began to question myself, was i worth this life? did i do my best in everything? did i really enjoy as much as anyone else possibly could?
Answers kept trying to come out, but deep inside me i tried not to let them out, maybe this is what people call, afraid of reality.
All people have their past, i have mine too. All people experience happiness, sadness, sorrow, me too. But it seems that i experience sadness and sorrow more than happiness. However i guess its more of an regret that makes it this way i guess.
I regret, I regret i didn't study hard enough to get good scores in the past. I regret that i didn't laugh my heart out when i was with friends. I regret i did not perform well enough in pri sch basketball, I regret that i did not went for basketball in sec school because of my emotions, i regret that i wasted my sec school life doing nothing but fooling around. I regret i didn't visit my pri school teachers and sec school teachers on teachers day, I regret that I did not cherish my relationship with michelle, whom i admired since primary school. I should be blamed for my own mistake, for what i have done. I dont deserve any forgiveness, nor shall i forgive myself.
I regret i did not take initiative to continue being friends with jacky, kenny, haisheng and raphael. I regret i spent too much on games and dont recognize any time management.
I regret that i regret all of these. But whats the point of regretting all of these when all these cannot change back to what i imagined it was, yup, it is impossible. All i could do could only be dreaming the way i want it to be every night. so at the least i could savour the minimum happiness i could have.
How i wish time can turn around, i dont mind dying few hundreds, or even thousands of times just to make things right. How stupid could i ever be.
Whats the point of going to university, getting certs when they don't mean a thing to happiness.
In the past, I used to think that friends are nothing, not as important. They dont bring fun, its sufficient if i could make myself happy, because my past friendships has never been as good always. I guess i was wrong. but what could i say.
Thus, i began to look for another alternative, to replace what I have lost. Animes.
Animes really made me happier. There are comedy animes, like Gintama, there are action animes, D-gray man, naruto, soul eater, there are also romance animes, like itazura na kiss, there are sad but romantic animes, like chrono crusade.
Animes replace things you never get to experience, or replace feelings you never or couldnt get. They bring satisfaction and happiness to those who watched it, they touch your life. I get to laugh, cry, get excited whenever i want, watching those anime. Its better than nothing right?
No matter how you look or regret, theres no change to things that already fact. So for those readers who accidentally came to this small corner of mine, remember! you are given the power to change fate, don't wait for fate to change you! Time is limited, cherish it.
oh ya, new song.. Ending Theme of Itazura Na Kiss, original anime of taiwan drama 恶作剧之吻. Best of Anime romance.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Time passes fast.. again
or was i slow?
many things happened.
many of which i hoped for is not.
would i still stay strong as a pillar do?
or would i fall down as normal people do.
will anyone help me up if i ever do.
is always relying on myself pushing me backwards , denying the existence of others,
or was it others who pushed me backwards denying me, making me rely only on myself.
Was I happy?
Was I wrong?
Could I get it correct, like answering a 50-50 question?
Or simply erase the question and never answer it because I am afraid to?
Answers don't come out as easily as you always hope that they do.
Or maybe its just because you don't want them to.
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Had a great day today.. went out with ys to tiong bahru for his workplace as he had some issues working over there and had to discuss with the manager.
Had a great laugh on the trip there. Thought i should write share it here lol.
Me: Yo Ys. (At MRT)
Ys: Yoz.. (Walking towards me with a bag on his hand)
Me: How? Plan what to say with your manager anot?(In MRT)
Ys: Donno leh.. Still thinking ar.. dunno wanna quit or not
Me: Oh.. i see i see.. what you bring with you ?
Ys: Oh.. this ar? my uniform lo.
... ...
Me: Huh? then still need think de meh? (Starts laughing non-stop in mrt train)
Ys: ...(laughs with me)
Still find this v funny, lol.
But good thing that he never quit i guess, in the end lol.
Had a fun day today walking in bugis, eating, playing bball in arcade.. but sadly was not on form as im v full and surrounding dark , cant see properly. Still we broke 800+ points! Grats lol.
Shall go buy my personalise tennis racket tomorrow! before heading down to gather with friends for weekly basketball.
I will definitely excel in tennis. (Of course, thats another hope, but as the saying goes, a hope is like a glimpse of light for a person in darkness. Drawing the person cherishing it move towards it, motivating him to believe one day that glimpse of light would bring him out of the darkness, allowing the light to finally shine as brightly as a sun would do.)
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